so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
