This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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