my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
