Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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