Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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