hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have fence marks all over my body
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
