maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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