You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
