I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
