your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
