Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
