Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
