Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there's paper in my vomit.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
