Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
