I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
