sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
