the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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