I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
