I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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