My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize