i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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