Sry I called you an 8
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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