i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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