Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
