worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
