I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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