she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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