we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
