I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
