just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
