Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So much rum. So many feels.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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