I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've blown a few things in my day
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
