you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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