Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
