I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
