I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
