That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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