but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
