If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We have so much sex to catch up on
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
