I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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