Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
