Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
And then he peed in my hair
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