I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
