More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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