what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
