put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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