We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
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please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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