Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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