He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
