You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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