Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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