we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
