Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
