If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
