For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
