There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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