Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
