Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
