It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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