absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
