i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
