she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
