So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
