AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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