Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
