I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize