I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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