i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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