i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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