no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
