I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
