there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
