my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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