Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
