Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
