Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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