is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
