..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
