well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
