here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Randomize
