I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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