we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
