Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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