everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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